Fight for you
by UrKid
Summary: I hate you. I love you. Now tell me which one is a lie? // RikuxSora


Because I got Kindom Hearts for Christmas and now I'm hooked to it :D Too little Riku and Sora action there for now, but I know I'll get what I want... eventually...

Annyway, about the story... Don't tackle on the fact that it only says both of their names once in the story x) I thought it was one time too many, buut to avoid confusion. Since it's a first-person narrator telling it to _someone_, they should both know who they are. Not the most reader-friendly style, but it's a part of the story's mood. So... no changing there...

And I would have wanted to end it before, but I figured I had to explain them. Well... it's not bad, I just really liked the ending that was before the current one x) I hope this is now too long to read. Riku, Sora and Kairi - don't belong to me.

* * *

It's dark now. It looks like as if it was about to rain, but I know it won't anyway. It has been looking like that for hours now, but it has only rained further away, over the sea. And I think I can see the dark night sky from the continuously widening cracks formed on the layer of clouds. I know I should probably be heading back home already, but I really don't feel like moving. And it's not that this is such a wonderful place I don't ever want to leave it, even though I'm not complaining, but I just can't bother as much as to move. I feel out of steam, almost melancholic and I would blame you.

It's like I'm capturing your moods. That happens easily when you're alone with someone. I'm not sure why that happens. It's the same thing like when somebody yawns, you don't even have to realize it, and then a moment after you yawn yourself. Though this I realize. You look down and beaten. You feel lost and dismal. You're sad. I think I channel you more than I do anyone. I feel it stronger. Sometimes I think I even feel it when you're not around, but I only realize it afterwards. Right now I feel so, so bad. I'm afraid for you. I know how I feel, I know it's coming from you and I don't like it. I don't want you to be so sad.

But I'm thanking whatever god there is that you're at least feeling _something_. Even if it's sadness, it's still better than nothing. It's way better than nothing. If you didn't feel anything, I'd be panicking right now and bringing every possible lamp I could find to you to light you. I'm scared to death of losing you to the darkness. I don't think I could take it. No, wait, for you, I'd take every hit. But right now, I feel horrible. You could compare it to if you were in an accident. Losing you to darkness is like you're in a coma and might never wake up. Seeing you sad is like you've lost your ability to walk and no one knows if you can recover. I'm sick worried anyhow.

You stand here on this cliff or what you want to call it, looking at the horizon, but not really seeing it. Your mind's on something else, that's rather obvious. I wish you would be the one who started talking, but sometimes you need someone to give you push. More often than you can, you can't heal by yourself and sometimes you need someone to really show you that they cared and wanted to help you heal. I wish you could see that. You don't need to carry your burdens alone. Right now it seems as though you believe I couldn't help. But I'd do anything, I would find a way to turn the world around to find you a cure no matter what it took, you should know that by now.

"Sora, you should be home."

You talk alright, but not about what I wanted you to be talking about. I collectively decide to ignore your comment. I turn my gaze at the horizon and then back to you.

"What's up Riku?"

I say it pretty cheerfully, almost to the point where it sounds like I'm mad at you or something, which is to put it that way, a pretty odd outcome. Though I know you know what I mean. I'm letting you choose today. You can either answer to me with equal fake-cheerfulness and pretend like everything was okay or you can tell me what's bothering you. You shift your eyes over me and you're looking me straight in the eyes, and I feel weird because I'm not sure you realize that you are. Your eyes seem horribly lifeless. Even if you didn't see the horizon, I expected you to see me. I guess I'm not that special.

You don't reply and you turn away, which I actually take as a good sign, because if you had answered quickly, you would have answered something like "the sky" and then said that we should both go home or you would have on the spot, lied it to be something more simple. But if you were to tell me, you would need to consider it and collect your thoughts into ones more solid. Because to be so affected by it, it needed to be something important and you never mouth important things around so randomly. You look more puzzled now than sad, which I dislike very much, because to me it seems like you're feeling less, which I truly hope you aren't.

"I love Kairi."

I stare at you blankly, though you can't see it as you've turned your gaze away from me. I wonder what you expected me to say to this. Or did you at all.

"Fight me over her."

And I go and say the most random thing for I'm sure if you did expect something, it wasn't that. And I do want to fight you. Really, truly. You slowly spin around just to look at me oddly as if to inform me I could possibly not be serious. But I was. And so I steadily stared you back. You shake your head, more like in the disbelieving way than in the refusing way, and cross your arms. In another situation, I would have found it funnier how we were communicating only with our movements, faces and our body language in general. But right now I had something much more important in mind.

"So what, we're going to run around the island and the faster gets Kairi?"

I shake my head and start scanning the ground for some specific items. I feel your curious eyes upon me, when I reach for a stick one of us has used in our little battles at times, and I feel rather determined.

"Nope. We're really going to fight."

I throw the stick at him which he easily catches by the work of his reflexes. I pick my own stick up from the ground and cast him a challenging look. He still looks unsure. It's not that we don't fight all the time. But this is different. This is actually _fighting_. We're not playing, training or even competing. This is serious, this is not friendly anymore. I may be selfish, but I don't want you to even try her. Try anyone, but not her. I swing my staff around a couple of times as a warm up. Then I give you a look requesting for a permission to start, but before really receiving it, I already lunge towards you.

You of course have to counter to it, so you lift your staff up for your defense and our weapons clash together. I pull back and strike again. And again and again. Strike, strike, strike. I move forwards and attack you time after time. I faintly notice that you don't attack at all yourself, but only defend. Not caring much, I just keep coming at you. It's entirely your fault, you caused this. And I want you to suffer for it, like I do. I know it's selfish, I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I can't think anything more. All I can think of is that you love her and I can't stand it. I want to cry, I'm hurt inside and I selfishly think it's your fault. You didn't have to fall in love with her.

And then I throw the stick at a random direction and you seem to think that this is over. Lowering your defense, I can easily break through it and tackle you to the ground, landing myself on top of you. You don't drop your weapon, I note, you just release your hold of it even though you've been pinned to the ground. But I don't care. All I know is that you've just declared your love for_ Kairi_ in the most serious voice ever and I know there is no way anyone could ever fake that lovesick voice of yours. And that's when I hit you. I know you can't control love, but at the moment, I don't believe that.

Your face turns to your side and I can see a droplet of blood in the corner of your eye. You look lifeless again, you seem defeated, in more than a physical way. And at the same time I'm both guilty and in need to hurt you more. I wish you had at least reacted to it. You should have told me it was wrong to hit you and that I couldn't blame you for loving her, but you're just taking it like it was just the opposite, like I was the rightful one. Tell me to stop, tell me you didn't choose to love her. You can even hit me back if you desire to. Force some sense to me, make me stop and most importantly, tell me it isn't right for me to do this. Because if something, I couldn't take it that it was right for me to do this.

But you're not doing anything, and I can almost feel my rage building up again over my reasoning, resulting in me hitting you again. This time on your chest though. I don't want to see any blood anymore. It made me feel these weird completely mixed up emotions inside of me, reaching up to my stomach. So I just keep punching you, over and over again, using both of my fists. You still don't react and I feel my eyes burning, knowing my tears are now out in the open. I'm losing my energy the more I keep hitting you and the more tears I shed, the stronger my sobs become. I know my words make no sense, but I want you to know anyway.

"Why did you have to fall in love with her? You weren't supposed to fall in love with her!"

With the remains of my adrenaline I clash our lips together, kissing you fiercely and collapse over you, clutching to your shirt, crying. You just lie there, doing nothing.

"I hate you!"

I know it's a lie, but I'm still saying it.

"I love you."

I can't even register it when you say it. I don't understand the words, I don't get what you mean by it. All I know is that the next second I'm kissing you again. This one is more desperate and needy and you respond to it, kissing me back.

"You taste bad."

Actually, you're the best thing I've _ever_ tasted.

"You taste angelic."

Another kiss. Nervous and exploring. I can feel your tongue sliding over my bottom lip.

"You kiss badly."

I could never even dream of a better way.

"You kiss perfect."

The fourth kiss is more sweet and tender.

"I hate you."

I love you.

"I love you."

And so, I push you away. Because that stupid lie reminded me why we're in this situation in the first place. I could never have you to myself, because you've already sold your heart to a girl. I really don't want to share you. In the end, I probably will, because that's just how I am, I need you. If I can't have you all to myself, I'll take as much as I can. I know it'll wound me, but not having you at all would kill me. I push you away, because I'm a brat and I need to throw a tantrum about it. But I'll come pulling you back to me. I wish you did love me. Enough to give the world away, but there are just things you can't have. I keep shooting daggers at you, glaring you sharply. And suddenly I notice your eyes are losing their shine, which I didn't even notice they had until I saw it fading away. I blink.

"Tell me you love her", seeing the face you make I continue, "Say it again. Like last time. I want to see something."

You're still looking at me a bit strangely, but I nod to you as an assurance. I want you to do it, and no, I'm not going to attack you this time. When you agree to repeat it, you're looking straight at me.

"I love Kairi."

And now I can see you blink. I can clearly, as if in slow motion, see how your eyelids shut at the exact moment when her name escapes from your lips. When you've finished your sentence, only then will your eyes open again. And after you've opened them, there is no feeling in them for a moment. You weren't facing me the first time you said it. I didn't see your eyes the first time. And your eyes are a dead giveaway. I wonder if you realized this yourself. It would change things a whole lot. Though, I can't know if I'm even anywhere near right. So I don't think about what it would mean if I were right, I think about why.

"Why did you lie to me that you loved her?"

There's a silence after my words. You have that look upon your face and I know that I'm right. My heart is pumping a lot faster and suddenly I feel very anxious. I just have to know.

"You know why. I couldn't tell you the truth why I was acting like a lovesick puppy", you appear to think about it for a second, "I've never loved anyone else like I love you. I really haven't."

And I feel like laughing evilly. Or go rub it on Kairi's face. Despite the fact that Kairi is my friend. I couldn't have borne having you two together, because I really do like her and I didn't want to hate her for it. Of course I couldn't have hated her completely for it, but I know it would have eaten our friendship, even if Kairi hadn't felt the same way about you. And I didn't want that. So currently, I'm only being childish again. I feel like I've won at life itself. I know you're not a trophy, I know you're much more than that. You're my light, you keep away my darkness. But still, currently, I'd just like to yell the world that you're mine and that no one, absolutely no one can touch you the way I can. I don't have to share and I'm not going to. You're mine or I'm yours, whatever you want, just never stop loving me.

Our fifth kiss is like all of our four previous kisses fused together, but it's perfect, just like all the other four. And the four after that. And the four million after that. And the infinite amount after that.


End file.
